God is bigger than the boogie man...

My brother turned seventeen last week. He's officially taller than I am. When we were younger, we used to fight like no one's business. There was hair pulling, biting, hitting, yeah, the works. We were nasty to each other... but under that level of rawness there was a deeper love that went straight to our bones, the very essence of who we were.

I used to sing to him when he was terribly scared. I would tell him everything would be okay, that Daddy would never let anything happen to us because he loved us so much. (Not that there was ever actually any danger, anyway.)

Well, on Monday I got a phone call from him. He rarely calls me... and I was watching Stargate with a friend. (Yes, every Monday I let my inner nerd out and watch my sci fi show.) It was a really intense episode emotionally, and I didn't really want to talk to him just then. But I answered anyway. He said that he was driving home from Boy Scouts. (He's almost an Eagle Scout, woo!) He also said he almost hit five animals, and that he was kind of freaked out by it.

He's always been afraid of the dark and the nightly noises. Which always reminds me of the quote "heed no nightly noises" which comes up in The Fellowship of the Ring as well as other places. I told him he would be fine. And that I needed to go. After hanging up, I almost instantly regretted it. If we had been younger, I would have sang for him, I would have sang the Veggie Tales song, "God is bigger than the boogie man" and I know it would have made him feel better.

The next night I was walking back to my room in the dark. While I wasn't actually freaked out, I was kind of bored, and cold, so I called him. He, surprisingly, answered. And he talked to me the entire way back to my dorm. He told me silly stories that made me laugh and started retelling an episode of Magnum P.I. for me. It was sweet.

I'm glad that I have him. And while I sometimes feel like I'm protecting him, I don't think he realizes how much he is protecting me. I don't think I always realize. But he is. He protects my heart from bitterness and depression. He saves me from self-loathing. I am so thankful for him and his laughter and ability to make me laugh, even when I'm royally ticked off.

Just the other day I was flipping through a notebook and found scrawled on one of the pages: "Beauty is more than skin deep. And your skin is beautiful so you've got both things going for you!" --Josef

And I found a video he had recorded on my computer over Christmas of him dancing while I was listening to music in the kitchen while baking.

I miss my Bud Nub. Desperately. He's the best little brother I could have ever asked for.

"God smiles on my little brother. His love is making me stronger. Inside and out he's better than I am." [Taylor Swift]