What kind of love is this?

I read a post on tumblr a few days ago that really struck me...a Jane Austen quote that I'm not sure I'd ever read (and if I had, I surely had forgotten it), "I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature. My attachments are always excessively strong." [Northanger Abbey] Something in me responded to the idea that some people do everything halfheartedly, even love, and then I was overwhelmed by the realization that I am much like this quote--my attractions are excessively, annoyingly, strong.

While I was blow drying my hair this morning I was thinking about a conversation I want to have with someone....and how I want to tell them that I don't do things by halves. I don't do something with the heart unless I've thought it over and really felt around it--this doesn't mean that I don't get hurt, it means that I get way to involved sometimes. The point of this internal conversation was that I really do like this individual. In my mind I thought, "I am not in the business of doing things by halves...and that can be hard. But I am comforted by the knowledge that I worship a God that doesn't do things by halves either."

I worship a God that doesn't do things by halves. Who would have thought that such a moment of clarity would come when I was pummeling my ears with the sound of rushing air? There I was, still damp, blow dryer in hand, and completely overjoyed at the revelation that God doesn't do anything half way.

His love is all encompassing, and all forgiving. He is so fully committed that He sent His Son to die for my pitiful, wretched soul--so broken by sin that it seems impossible for a perfect being to love.

It occurs to me now that His full commitment makes my "no halves" thing seem really pathetic. I may think things through and really allow myself to get hurt because of it, but I don't think I would actually die to prove my devotion to another person. And then one begs the question, am I willing to die for Christ, for His good news, like He died for my soul? I hope so. I hope that if that day comes, He will give me the strength to be so completely committed.

I may not be in the business of doing things by halves...but thank God, He is definitely not in the business of doing anything halfway or incompletely. The story is still being told, and because He fulfills all His promises I can rest easy tonight knowing that He will come again and reclaim what is His. The story isn't over yet.

Proud to be an American...

Sometimes I hate Facebook. It can be a great tool to communicate and organize group events, but generally it's just a nuisance. Especially lately. Part of that is because it is so good at distracting me from writing my final papers. (Which is a personal problem, and I don't blame Facebook, it just proves I have a weak will.)

Last night, however, it nearly made me sick.

I was driving back to college with a friend after going to a concert in my home town--which is what I was planning on blogging about, but won't for now--when she said, "My sister just texted me, Osama bin Laden is dead. We won the war."

My first reaction? "Well... I'm glad we caught the man, but I don't think that his death will necessarily mark the end of the war, it will certainly be a turning point of sorts."

And then I didn't really think about it until I got back to my room and checked my Facebook. I wish I hadn't. It was riddled with three different kinds of reactions, here are the paraphrases:

"Yeah! Osama's dead! AMERICA!"

"Are we celebrating? Really? What's wrong with our country."

"I don't really know how to feel..."

Now, I take a deep breath before I jumped into the rest of this blog because I know that I am bound to offend someone--such is the way of America.

If you don't like rants, stop reading here. I will try to keep it fairly contained.

I will admit, I was relieved to hear that he was dead. Some of my thoughts included, but were not limited to: Maybe some of my friends that have been serving to keep us safe will be able to come home sooner now. Maybe some of the movement of the terrorist groups with be slowed--though I'm sure another leader will take his place. Maybe Americans can finally stand united again.

I guess I can't count on the last one.

The comments on Facebook that bothered me the most? The ones that railed on those that were excited about bin Laden's death. The ones that had this holier-than-thou attitude because they had overcome the human reaction and decided to "love." Last I checked, calling all of the other Facebook users "inhumane" isn't loving. And what kind of image does that promote to the non-Christians? "You're celebrating? You heathens. We should have shown mercy."

Have we forgotten where this all began? Sometimes I wonder if America remember the 9-11-01 attacks. I wonder if they remember how united we were right after that tragedy. I'm sure no one thought this war would go on for close to 10 years, but I wonder if we remember this attacked came from a deep-rooted hate for Christians?

Now, we could have put bin Laden to trial I suppose, but it still would have ended with a death sentence, I'm sure.

It just kills me that it's a lot of the same people that wanted the war to end that are condemning those that see this as the light at the end of the tunnel.

It makes me wonder how people reacted to the death of Hitler. In my mind, bin Laden is the Hitler of my generation. Granted, Hitler took his own life, but I'm sure there was celebration state-side. If there had been Facebook would I have had to sift through the same kind of messages I did last night?

Now, should we rejoice in another's death? Probably not. But I understand the celebration. And a part of me joins in on the "party." I do think justice has been served. I am glad that another Hitler has been removed.

I respect the most those that say they don't know how to feel. "Torn between two kingdoms," as one of my friends put it.

Do I think it's appropriate to say things like, "Burn in Hell?" No. Of course not. Frankly, if we said that every time a sinner died, we would be saying it all the time--every time. (Thank God that with Christ we are forgiven.)

So, I say, "Thanks to our troops for keeping us safe, even when Americans doesn't seem to appreciate your sacrifice for our freedom. Thanks be to God for being a just God. And God bless America, because there are Christians here, and God bless the Middle East, because there are Christians there too. Let His kingdom come, His will be done. May the Christians be able to unite and help restore those that are in need. And please, America, stop trying to destroy yourself from the inside."

And there's a God that walks over the earth...

My church has their "Good Friday" service on Thursday night.

This year it was different for me. I had just finished reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel. And in that book the main character struggles with the idea of God. The part where he is talking to a priest is particularly interesting to me. He says that it doesn't make any sense for God to die in punishment for His creations sin.

And it doesn't.

It doesn't make sense that Jesus died for us. When I read that, I said out loud, "But that's the beauty of it." The beauty of mercy--of grace.

I didn't deserve Christ's sacrifice--I still don't. Nobody does.

And still He came.

And still He died.

What kind of love is this, that God should lay down His Son's life for a wretch like me?

Beautiful pain.


"He's searching for heart that is desperate, and longing for a child that will give Him their all, give it al, He wants it all. And He says, love Me, love Me with your whole heart. He wants it all today." [Forever Jones, He Wants It All]