I've mentioned before (back at the beginning of this blog, ...because they love you) how I feel connected to Eowyn from "The Lord of the Rings." She is perhaps my favorite female character in all the literature I have read thus far. It runs deeper than her relationship with Aragorn (or lack there of) or Faramir (something I long for).
I feel like she is cruelly misunderstood by the general audience. There are two main things I see:
1. People have only seen the movies. Now, I love the Peter Jackson adaptation of the books. However, I think he significantly downplayed Eowyn's character and the real issues she was dealing with (especially in the theatrical version). Viewers get the impression that she was simply love sick--tired of being left behind at home and wanting some adventure. Aragorn was different and definitely a break from the hum-drum of her life.
2. She's a fairly minor character when compared to Gandalf, Aragorn, or Frodo. She has a huge moment, but doesn't come in until the second book, she just doesn't get as much space on the page as some of the other characters. So maybe readers just don't pay her much attention. Or they don't see some of the things about her character because it takes those around her a long time to figure it out--they chalk it up to being lovesick as well.
There's more going on there. [More going on in me.] Now, there are definitely elements of her being lovesick (but there's a cause behind the cause) and she is a minor character (which is part of why she is the way she is!). It's all very intriguing to me, and I wrote a paper on it last semester (and posted it here, I'm preparing you for something great...)... but I'm going to try to paraphrase what I'm feeling right now.
Her biggest issue is finding her place in the world--what her purpose is. Her brother and uncle get to ride off into battle and gain honor and renown--something she yearns for. She doesn't want to be forgotten. So, she's learned how to fight and defend herself. She has honed her skill because she doesn't want to be left behind; the last defense.
Eowyn wants to be remembered for doing something great. For making a difference. She wants to die with honor.
Now, maybe this is just the effects of my "Death, Dying, and Trauma" class coming out, but I want the same thing. I want to use my life for something with purpose. I want to make a difference. And when I die I want it to be with grace and dignity. (That class will make you think about death in a way you would never imagine.)
I don't think I'm the only one. Eowyn's character speaks to something so very human. Nobody wants to be forgotten and left behind. She was struggling deep within herself. Her upbringing was telling her one thing while her heart said something else. Her heart says, "you can be a hero." Her mind says, "you're only a woman."
Sometimes I take on the same mentality. I'm only one person. One young woman. What weight can I bear in this world?
I don't suffer from depression. (Not that I know of, anyway.) And so I can't claim that part of her character to be an echo of myself. She was fighting against social norms, and I do feel like I'm doing that myself, in a different way.
I found a song on iTunes really randomly one day. It's called "Eowyn's Song" and it's beautiful. It captures her character perfectly (while focusing on the Aragorn issue, which is still a big deal, don't get me wrong). Please listen to it. (LeAnn, you've already heard it, but you can always listen again.) This is the song that prompted this post, so it's kind of a big deal. Ha.
There's a line in the song, "I ride to find my own meaning," and I don't think any combination of words could described her situation (in a nutshell) any better. And that is something so deeply ingrained in me. Instead, I don't ride horses (I'll leave that you, Lisa, dear). I find my meaning in my writing (and in the Bible and Christ, but that's a Sunday School answer) because writing is the way I let go of the things that distract me. It's my way of filtering through the turmoil and the joy.
"No one will hear of this tale." This is an interesting comment on the view of history and how it is recorded and retold. (My Ling and Lang senses are tingling.)
"I go with a mind full of death." I'm not suicidal. Not even close. But there is something in this that tugs at me. Something about Eowyn's plight pulls at my heart so strongly... She has a heart of sacrifice, if that is what will get her honor and valor. "Oh, I would have followed you down to the end, my captain, my King. Oh, I would have followed you down to the Paths of the Dead."
"Fire consumes the heart that teaches captain of evil to fall. Desire, as pure as the man that reaches the humble hero in us all." This is my favorite line. Absolute favorite. Because she is the one that teaches the Witch King to fall. She did this from a pure desire. And I think "the man that reaches" is Aragorn, and he taught her to be a hero in a backwards kind of way. He was belittling her, like some might think. Indeed, he pitied her. He was reaching the humble hero in the hearts of the Hobbits, and he did the same for her.
I'm not articulating this as well as I had hoped I would. But maybe you understand. Maybe you see yourself echoed here. Maybe you, too, worry for the way you will be remembered. The way you will leave your mark on this world.
"...the humble hero in us all."
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Friday, September 16, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Home sweet home...
Some things that I learned while house sitting:
1. Light bulbs burn out at the most unlikely time. Don't let it throw you off, even if they are unusual sizes.
2. Eventually, toilet bowl seats break. It has nothing to do with you--it just happens. And if you freak out enough and have enough nightmares you're bound to find out that the owner of said toilet broke her gramma's a week earlier. You'll feel better.
3. Cats are strange creatures. They're adorable, but they're strange. Don't let their cute appearance fool you--they play dirty. I've never had so many scratches.
4. Neighbor ladies and lovely, make a point to meet them before the last day of house sitting.
5. If you live in the country and house sit in town over the Fourth of July, don't be alarmed if it sounds like a war just erupted on the front lawn--it's apparently very normal.
6. If a cat is hungry enough in the morning and you're still sleeping he will lick and bite your elbow. And then you're arm. And he'll try to get to your face, but if you're lucky his whiskers will wake you up.
7. Some cats like helping you make the bed.
8. Some cats can open doors--beware.
9. You may think your barky dog is annoying, but you'll miss his cuddling.
10. People in town mow their lawn in columns, they don't go around in circles like you do on a four acre lot. Don't be scared of breaking your pattern.
11. People will come and pray over your house when you're not there, and they'll leave you a little flier telling you that they're praying. It's a nice gesture, but also kind of creepy.
12. The guy that checks the meter will knock on your door at an ungodly hour. He's just doing his job, be nice and try not to look like the living dead.
13. The garbage guy makes a lot of noise, and actually picks up early in the morning--it's not just a myth!
14. It's nice managing your own home. The day-to-day chores are actually enjoyable if you turn the music on loud enough. It's also easier with just one person to care for.
15. Don't forget about the plant. You will kill it in three weeks. You will turn out to be your mother's daughter. You will regret this gene.
16. Thunderstorms are scarier when you only have the cats and no weather alarms (no matter how much you loath that weather alarm, you do feel saver with it).
17. Reading seems to be more difficult to focus on while staying in another person's house...mostly because you can't figure out how to make the tea because you don't know where anything is.
18. Falling asleep on the couch with TVLand playing is incredibly easy. And waking up to "The Nanny" can be jarring.
19. It's harder living in two places in one town than two places across the state from one another.
20. Sing in the shower as loud as you want. There is no one for you to disturb.
"This is home, now I'm finally where I belong."
1. Light bulbs burn out at the most unlikely time. Don't let it throw you off, even if they are unusual sizes.
2. Eventually, toilet bowl seats break. It has nothing to do with you--it just happens. And if you freak out enough and have enough nightmares you're bound to find out that the owner of said toilet broke her gramma's a week earlier. You'll feel better.
3. Cats are strange creatures. They're adorable, but they're strange. Don't let their cute appearance fool you--they play dirty. I've never had so many scratches.
4. Neighbor ladies and lovely, make a point to meet them before the last day of house sitting.
5. If you live in the country and house sit in town over the Fourth of July, don't be alarmed if it sounds like a war just erupted on the front lawn--it's apparently very normal.
6. If a cat is hungry enough in the morning and you're still sleeping he will lick and bite your elbow. And then you're arm. And he'll try to get to your face, but if you're lucky his whiskers will wake you up.
7. Some cats like helping you make the bed.
8. Some cats can open doors--beware.
9. You may think your barky dog is annoying, but you'll miss his cuddling.
10. People in town mow their lawn in columns, they don't go around in circles like you do on a four acre lot. Don't be scared of breaking your pattern.
11. People will come and pray over your house when you're not there, and they'll leave you a little flier telling you that they're praying. It's a nice gesture, but also kind of creepy.
12. The guy that checks the meter will knock on your door at an ungodly hour. He's just doing his job, be nice and try not to look like the living dead.
13. The garbage guy makes a lot of noise, and actually picks up early in the morning--it's not just a myth!
14. It's nice managing your own home. The day-to-day chores are actually enjoyable if you turn the music on loud enough. It's also easier with just one person to care for.
15. Don't forget about the plant. You will kill it in three weeks. You will turn out to be your mother's daughter. You will regret this gene.
16. Thunderstorms are scarier when you only have the cats and no weather alarms (no matter how much you loath that weather alarm, you do feel saver with it).
17. Reading seems to be more difficult to focus on while staying in another person's house...mostly because you can't figure out how to make the tea because you don't know where anything is.
18. Falling asleep on the couch with TVLand playing is incredibly easy. And waking up to "The Nanny" can be jarring.
19. It's harder living in two places in one town than two places across the state from one another.
20. Sing in the shower as loud as you want. There is no one for you to disturb.
"This is home, now I'm finally where I belong."
Saturday, May 7, 2011
This was over before it ever began...
This year has just flown by. I can hardly believe that I'm home for the summer. The general theme seems to be: "I'm going to miss everybody, what am I going to do without all of my friend? We've made it so far!"
Now. I am going to miss my friends. And I truly can't believe I only have a year of undergrad work left. It's a big deal. And honestly, it probably deserves a blog post--but I'm not going to give it one. Nor am I going to give my pining for my friends a post--I'll see them again, before we know it summer will be over. (I do miss you all, really I do.)
The bigger issue of being done with the semester--packing and unpacking.
It took me a day to get all of my stuff loaded into the pack of the truck with the help of some friends (thanks Andrew, Heather and Heidi). Before I left campus, I looked at the truck and said, "Woah. My whole life fits into the back of a truck." This may be an over generalization, but it's kind of true, when you think about it. Everything I need to "survive" was in the back of a truck. Crazy.
When I got home I had to unload it all into the garage and living room--my room in the basement wasn't ready to handle all of the boxes yet. How is it that a room couldn't hold what a truck could? Because it was full of a crap from the previous chapters of my life--middle school and high school.
So, I spent the first day on break ignoring the impending project and read a book, a whole book. For fun. It was lovely. Today though, the second day of break, I had to venture down to my bedroom... and started pulling things apart so I could put them back together in a more efficient way.
What has happened?
Well, I stripped my bed to wash the sheets and stuff, and then I started going through some of the older boxes that held stuff I had forgotten existed. I threw a lot of stuff away. I figured that if I didn't remember it I probably didn't need it. That said, I still have a huge pile of crap on my naked bed. Stuff that I don't know what to do with.
I went through the old Graduation Cards...that was a nice trip down memory lane.
I found millions of old notebooks with started stories...I'm excited to see what I may be able to do with some of them.
I checked hundreds of pens to see if they still worked...I love the cheap pens that never seem to die.
I have apparently been hoarding music from high school...All State Music...that made me smile, I hadn't realized I had stolen from the school.
I went through a very angsty period in my life...there are many pieces of paper with poems to prove that which I don't really remember.
I. Am. A. Pack. Rat.
(But if I'm throwing most of it away now, does that redeem that quality?)
Here's to big projects. And the start of summer. And books yet to be read. And stories waiting to be told and written down.
"It's hectic in my mind, but I'm gonna leave it behind. I'm ready to let go." [Natalie Grant]
Now. I am going to miss my friends. And I truly can't believe I only have a year of undergrad work left. It's a big deal. And honestly, it probably deserves a blog post--but I'm not going to give it one. Nor am I going to give my pining for my friends a post--I'll see them again, before we know it summer will be over. (I do miss you all, really I do.)
The bigger issue of being done with the semester--packing and unpacking.
It took me a day to get all of my stuff loaded into the pack of the truck with the help of some friends (thanks Andrew, Heather and Heidi). Before I left campus, I looked at the truck and said, "Woah. My whole life fits into the back of a truck." This may be an over generalization, but it's kind of true, when you think about it. Everything I need to "survive" was in the back of a truck. Crazy.
When I got home I had to unload it all into the garage and living room--my room in the basement wasn't ready to handle all of the boxes yet. How is it that a room couldn't hold what a truck could? Because it was full of a crap from the previous chapters of my life--middle school and high school.
So, I spent the first day on break ignoring the impending project and read a book, a whole book. For fun. It was lovely. Today though, the second day of break, I had to venture down to my bedroom... and started pulling things apart so I could put them back together in a more efficient way.
What has happened?
Well, I stripped my bed to wash the sheets and stuff, and then I started going through some of the older boxes that held stuff I had forgotten existed. I threw a lot of stuff away. I figured that if I didn't remember it I probably didn't need it. That said, I still have a huge pile of crap on my naked bed. Stuff that I don't know what to do with.
I went through the old Graduation Cards...that was a nice trip down memory lane.
I found millions of old notebooks with started stories...I'm excited to see what I may be able to do with some of them.
I checked hundreds of pens to see if they still worked...I love the cheap pens that never seem to die.
I have apparently been hoarding music from high school...All State Music...that made me smile, I hadn't realized I had stolen from the school.
I went through a very angsty period in my life...there are many pieces of paper with poems to prove that which I don't really remember.
I. Am. A. Pack. Rat.
(But if I'm throwing most of it away now, does that redeem that quality?)
Here's to big projects. And the start of summer. And books yet to be read. And stories waiting to be told and written down.
"It's hectic in my mind, but I'm gonna leave it behind. I'm ready to let go." [Natalie Grant]
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Maybe our stories won't be told by firesides...
The line that titles this blog is part of a sentence from the paper I presented on Friday at about 2:50.
I have a lot of thoughts jostling around inside my head right now. I wish I could put them all into an order...I know that they are connected, I'm just not entirely sure how right now. Maybe I'll make a list... hm. It's worth a shot.
1. All you have to do is breathe. So keep breathing. Go on breathing. Keep on breathing. (Superchick) This was the motto of my day on Friday. Leading up to my presentation I was getting more and more anxious... until the girl before started talking about Buddhism and how it should be applied to Christianity... then I started squirming my chair... (There's something unsettling about listening to someone explain how they're being sucked away from the Gospel. Sorry, but there really is something absolute about the Gospel, I know our culture likes to shy away from that right now.) and I realized that at least the things I was going to say weren't blasphemous... or heretical. And once I was on the stage, and started reading, it was fine. This is something I am passionate about. I have a firm grasp on this. I can do this. I am doing this.
2. Oh, I feel so tired. I cannot hardly keep open my eyes. (Plumb) Sitting in a van for hours with two professors... I was beyond exhausted. I hadn't slept much all week, and once I was done presenting it just washed over me, this weariness was a tsunami to my thirsty soul. Over dinner, Prof. Reek told me I looked tired... and when I told him it had been a long week of late nights he told me he understood... I don't think he could have. And so, I went to bed early last night, and woke up late this morning. And I took a nap today. And it was good.
3. Why does our brokenness keep whispering? It's telling us we're not anything. (Remedy Drive) Over the course of this semester I have had to deal with self-confidence issues. And presenting a million times had made me think that I wasn't any good at what I love... and I was beginning to doubt why I'm studying English with the intent of being a professor... and every once in a while God drops something my lap--a reminder that I am making the right choices for right now. Things like talking to Dr. Thurber. And things like this presentation and having a girl tell me in the bathroom afterwards that I did a very nice job. I can't let the failures guide my life, rather I must let the success stories speak for me. Speak for me.
4. What you say and what you do are different things. (TobyMac) My cousin didn't call me on my birthday. He didn't even write on my Facebook wall. He used to call me every year--and I always cherished hearing his voice. I used to think that he and I had a special bond because we both wore back braces. He's married now. And he lives far away. I just pray when I get married some day that I won't become as distant from my family as he has. I miss him very much. Yesterday was his birthday. I didn't call him. I thought about it. But I settled on writing on his Facebook wall. Maybe I'll send him a card. Yeah. I think I'll do that.
5. A whole new world... (Aladdin) If you ever have the chance to ride in a car with two professors... do it. And do it as often as you can. You will learn more in that time about their area of interest than any other time in your life. (maybe) And you'll also learn how deeply they care about their students (at least on a smaller campus). I was so anxious to be done with my undergrad...but I'm sad now to be leaving these professors because I know how much they care about every single one of their students. I pray that someday I will care as deeply for my students while they discover what it means to be an adult. I caught a glimpse of what my future could be, and it could be beautiful.
6. We all long to belong. We all need to be needed. (Krystal Meyers) It is said that chivalry is dead. Wrong. As long as Prof. Reek lives there will still be chivalry in this world. He tried to help me into the van (fail). I tried to take my hand back, but he REALLY wanted to help me into that van. He did help me out of the van, which was better. Every door was opened by him, or someone else, and held until I had passed through. And when he was unable to help me with my coat it was, "One of you young men help Anna with her coat, please." I didn't think they would actually do it... but Grant informed me I had been "gentlemanized." It was nice...why did women ever fight against this? Were they nut jobs? (ha.)
7. People not only can surprise you, but they will. Nuns can be feminists.... I was not expecting that one.
8. Faith is never taught, it's just something they catch from watching you along the way. (Mark Schultz) Dr. Thurber casts a long shadow... and he is not the end-all-be-all power that I imagined him to be. I am sad that he will not be the Dean anymore... but I am ecstatic that he will be teaching more classes.
9. Don't waste, one day is all that we've got to give and take. (Adie) I was asked if I felt like I got a good education from my public schooling. Yes. But I was also in the AP classes getting college credit. School is really what you make it to be. If you're there to learn, then you will. If you're there to screw around, then maybe you won't. The success or failure of a school does not rest solely on the teachers, it also rests on the students. I was told that my parents probably did a lot to motivate me. And then Dr. Holtorf said, "I think she's self-motivated too. I think so anyway."
10. We want to feel Your wind in our lungs. There's a little girl at church. Every Sunday her daddy holds her during worship. And every Sunday, while we're singing she puts her little hands up in the air and she opens her mouth as wide as it will go. She can't be over 3 years old... and I don't know if she's actually making any noise when she opens her mouth and bobs her head along to the music. But whenever I see her I pray. Papa God, don't let her spirit for You fade away, make it grow stronger day by day. Raise her up to see Your face, and teach those around her to see Your grace. Teach my heart give all things up, like her little arms reach to something she can't see to touch. One day, when I have children, help me to be an example that allows for such reckless abandon.
11. She was watching as they were dancing and thought "Someday I wanna be like that." She was watching her momma singing as they were dancing hand in hand. And though she can't recall the song, she was watching. (Mark Schultz) During the return journey on Friday, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel. I went in to use the restroom before we took off for the last leg of our journey. While I was drying my hands, a little girl and her mom were in a stall. I can only assume the little girl was finished and waiting for her mom. I heard a, "Wait, stay here please. Can Mommy go potty too, please? Please don't open the door." That could be me someday... and I smiled to myself as I left the restroom.
12. In Christ alone, my hope is found. Hope is a constant in a world full of morphing despair. I am ruminating over my paper, replaying the themes and the quotes. Maybe our stories won't be told by firesides...but maybe they don't need to be. Maybe the greatest part of our story has already been told. And truly, it has.
13. The sweet by and by. There is a song that talks about the singers grandma singing "The Sweet by and by" all the time... and when I'm old, I want my sweet by and by to be "Be Thou my Vision." yeah.
This list could go on... but I do believe I will spare you. (At least for a little while.)
"Be Thou my vision, Oh Lord of my heart, naught be all else to me, save that Thou art! Thou my best thought, by day or by night, waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light."
I have a lot of thoughts jostling around inside my head right now. I wish I could put them all into an order...I know that they are connected, I'm just not entirely sure how right now. Maybe I'll make a list... hm. It's worth a shot.
1. All you have to do is breathe. So keep breathing. Go on breathing. Keep on breathing. (Superchick) This was the motto of my day on Friday. Leading up to my presentation I was getting more and more anxious... until the girl before started talking about Buddhism and how it should be applied to Christianity... then I started squirming my chair... (There's something unsettling about listening to someone explain how they're being sucked away from the Gospel. Sorry, but there really is something absolute about the Gospel, I know our culture likes to shy away from that right now.) and I realized that at least the things I was going to say weren't blasphemous... or heretical. And once I was on the stage, and started reading, it was fine. This is something I am passionate about. I have a firm grasp on this. I can do this. I am doing this.
2. Oh, I feel so tired. I cannot hardly keep open my eyes. (Plumb) Sitting in a van for hours with two professors... I was beyond exhausted. I hadn't slept much all week, and once I was done presenting it just washed over me, this weariness was a tsunami to my thirsty soul. Over dinner, Prof. Reek told me I looked tired... and when I told him it had been a long week of late nights he told me he understood... I don't think he could have. And so, I went to bed early last night, and woke up late this morning. And I took a nap today. And it was good.
3. Why does our brokenness keep whispering? It's telling us we're not anything. (Remedy Drive) Over the course of this semester I have had to deal with self-confidence issues. And presenting a million times had made me think that I wasn't any good at what I love... and I was beginning to doubt why I'm studying English with the intent of being a professor... and every once in a while God drops something my lap--a reminder that I am making the right choices for right now. Things like talking to Dr. Thurber. And things like this presentation and having a girl tell me in the bathroom afterwards that I did a very nice job. I can't let the failures guide my life, rather I must let the success stories speak for me. Speak for me.
4. What you say and what you do are different things. (TobyMac) My cousin didn't call me on my birthday. He didn't even write on my Facebook wall. He used to call me every year--and I always cherished hearing his voice. I used to think that he and I had a special bond because we both wore back braces. He's married now. And he lives far away. I just pray when I get married some day that I won't become as distant from my family as he has. I miss him very much. Yesterday was his birthday. I didn't call him. I thought about it. But I settled on writing on his Facebook wall. Maybe I'll send him a card. Yeah. I think I'll do that.
5. A whole new world... (Aladdin) If you ever have the chance to ride in a car with two professors... do it. And do it as often as you can. You will learn more in that time about their area of interest than any other time in your life. (maybe) And you'll also learn how deeply they care about their students (at least on a smaller campus). I was so anxious to be done with my undergrad...but I'm sad now to be leaving these professors because I know how much they care about every single one of their students. I pray that someday I will care as deeply for my students while they discover what it means to be an adult. I caught a glimpse of what my future could be, and it could be beautiful.
6. We all long to belong. We all need to be needed. (Krystal Meyers) It is said that chivalry is dead. Wrong. As long as Prof. Reek lives there will still be chivalry in this world. He tried to help me into the van (fail). I tried to take my hand back, but he REALLY wanted to help me into that van. He did help me out of the van, which was better. Every door was opened by him, or someone else, and held until I had passed through. And when he was unable to help me with my coat it was, "One of you young men help Anna with her coat, please." I didn't think they would actually do it... but Grant informed me I had been "gentlemanized." It was nice...why did women ever fight against this? Were they nut jobs? (ha.)
7. People not only can surprise you, but they will. Nuns can be feminists.... I was not expecting that one.
8. Faith is never taught, it's just something they catch from watching you along the way. (Mark Schultz) Dr. Thurber casts a long shadow... and he is not the end-all-be-all power that I imagined him to be. I am sad that he will not be the Dean anymore... but I am ecstatic that he will be teaching more classes.
9. Don't waste, one day is all that we've got to give and take. (Adie) I was asked if I felt like I got a good education from my public schooling. Yes. But I was also in the AP classes getting college credit. School is really what you make it to be. If you're there to learn, then you will. If you're there to screw around, then maybe you won't. The success or failure of a school does not rest solely on the teachers, it also rests on the students. I was told that my parents probably did a lot to motivate me. And then Dr. Holtorf said, "I think she's self-motivated too. I think so anyway."
10. We want to feel Your wind in our lungs. There's a little girl at church. Every Sunday her daddy holds her during worship. And every Sunday, while we're singing she puts her little hands up in the air and she opens her mouth as wide as it will go. She can't be over 3 years old... and I don't know if she's actually making any noise when she opens her mouth and bobs her head along to the music. But whenever I see her I pray. Papa God, don't let her spirit for You fade away, make it grow stronger day by day. Raise her up to see Your face, and teach those around her to see Your grace. Teach my heart give all things up, like her little arms reach to something she can't see to touch. One day, when I have children, help me to be an example that allows for such reckless abandon.
11. She was watching as they were dancing and thought "Someday I wanna be like that." She was watching her momma singing as they were dancing hand in hand. And though she can't recall the song, she was watching. (Mark Schultz) During the return journey on Friday, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel. I went in to use the restroom before we took off for the last leg of our journey. While I was drying my hands, a little girl and her mom were in a stall. I can only assume the little girl was finished and waiting for her mom. I heard a, "Wait, stay here please. Can Mommy go potty too, please? Please don't open the door." That could be me someday... and I smiled to myself as I left the restroom.
12. In Christ alone, my hope is found. Hope is a constant in a world full of morphing despair. I am ruminating over my paper, replaying the themes and the quotes. Maybe our stories won't be told by firesides...but maybe they don't need to be. Maybe the greatest part of our story has already been told. And truly, it has.
13. The sweet by and by. There is a song that talks about the singers grandma singing "The Sweet by and by" all the time... and when I'm old, I want my sweet by and by to be "Be Thou my Vision." yeah.
This list could go on... but I do believe I will spare you. (At least for a little while.)
"Be Thou my vision, Oh Lord of my heart, naught be all else to me, save that Thou art! Thou my best thought, by day or by night, waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light."
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Let music never die in me...
Okay, this post will probably end up being lengthy...and for that I am sorry, but music has just been a big factor in my daily life right now. Mostly in negative ways, actually. Which is incredibly sad.
Where to start.... let's go in chronological order, so what became an issue first.
Remedy Drive. Wow, I just love these guys. I've been listening to them since before they were Remedy Drive and they were just Remedy. I have three signed posters from them, a T-Shirt, all their CDs (except for the EP, sad day) and I can't even tell you how many concerts I've been to. I even know some of their family (their uncle was my english teacher and I went to the same church as him and his family) and I have been to a relatives house after a concert and had snacks with them. Yeah. (I doubt they remember me, I was a sophomore or something like that.) Well, this last weekend I was talking to a friend about them, and he didn't realize they were all brothers. So then I was listening to them and was wondering when they were going to be in Nebraska again, they're here fairly often after all. Well, I was met with the news that (I think?) David is the only remaining Zach in the band. Which breaks my heart, honestly. I'm sure the new guys are fine...but it's just not the same. You know? Following a band since their infancy makes you very protective of the members. I even had a dream that I ran into their uncle and was asking him questions about it. Yeah. Music let down number one.
This next music encounter is positive. My friend Ben was in Nebraska with his a cappella group, Living Water, from Yale. It was good to see him, and here the group. They were fantastic. If you ever get a chance to see them, good luck with that, do it! It will be well worth your time. I was blown away, and it made me really miss my a cappella group from high school.
Now... high school leads to this disheartening situation. Nebraska is in a deficit, what state isn't? Well, they're having to make budget cuts... and that means that the Public School system in Grand Island is kind of getting screwed over. And it's all the programming that was so important to me in high school. They're cutting the High Ability Learners program... which kept me sane through scholarship season as a senior. Also, they're cutting German, probably because it's not a "valid" language... I say they should cut French then too, come on! Grand Island was founded by German immigrants, doesn't that give it a bit of a leg up? I guess not. There is also a high possibility that they will be "riffing" fifth grade band and orchestra. Which may not sound all that bad (but really it is, honestly), but that means that those teachers that are tenured will be guaranteed positions within the system... so there is a very likely chance that the current music teacher at my high school will be replaced by a fifth grade band teacher. Yes, let's say it all together now: "What?" That's not the most disappointing thing for me, surprisingly. Why, you ask? Let me tell you.
I am convinced that the current teacher is great. I know he is. He student taught there when I was a junior. He also student taught for quite possibly one of the best teachers to ever come through the department. Mr. LaBrie. Now, he doesn't teach there anymore, he teaches at a private university now, where he should have been all along, honestly. That's right, my high school music teacher was on par with a college professor. My high school has bad luck with music teachers. The kids in the grade after mine had a new teacher every year. Yeah. It sucks. And I know one of the prime arguments right now is that the kids just need some stability. I agree. What really irks me is that some of the kids are saying they won't do music anymore if they get a new teacher. That's bull crap.
Music is bigger than the teachers you have in high school. The kids in the class after mine went on after LaBrie resigned. Now that's hard. Yes, this current teacher is good, and the situation is bad, but if the kids of 2010 could do it, so can the kids of 2012 on down. Quiting the program is not the answer here. Quiting has never been the answer in music. Yes, this all sucks, but it can be overcome, regardless of the results of the voting in the coming weeks.
Every year since I was a sophomore I sang "The Awakening" with Chamber Singers. It was always during the last concert, a kind of sending off for the seniors. I don't know if they're continuing that tradition or not, now that LaBrie is gone. But the epiphany of the song is, "Awake, awake my soul and sing! The time for praise has come! The silence of the night has passed, a new day has begun! Let music never die in me. Forever let my spirit sing. Wherever emptiness is found, let there be joy in glorious song. Let music live!" It's beautiful, and will forever echo in my soul.
"I dreamed a dream, a silent dream, where no birds sang, no steeples rang, and teardrops fell like rain. I dreamed a dream..." [The Awakening]
Where to start.... let's go in chronological order, so what became an issue first.
Remedy Drive. Wow, I just love these guys. I've been listening to them since before they were Remedy Drive and they were just Remedy. I have three signed posters from them, a T-Shirt, all their CDs (except for the EP, sad day) and I can't even tell you how many concerts I've been to. I even know some of their family (their uncle was my english teacher and I went to the same church as him and his family) and I have been to a relatives house after a concert and had snacks with them. Yeah. (I doubt they remember me, I was a sophomore or something like that.) Well, this last weekend I was talking to a friend about them, and he didn't realize they were all brothers. So then I was listening to them and was wondering when they were going to be in Nebraska again, they're here fairly often after all. Well, I was met with the news that (I think?) David is the only remaining Zach in the band. Which breaks my heart, honestly. I'm sure the new guys are fine...but it's just not the same. You know? Following a band since their infancy makes you very protective of the members. I even had a dream that I ran into their uncle and was asking him questions about it. Yeah. Music let down number one.
This next music encounter is positive. My friend Ben was in Nebraska with his a cappella group, Living Water, from Yale. It was good to see him, and here the group. They were fantastic. If you ever get a chance to see them, good luck with that, do it! It will be well worth your time. I was blown away, and it made me really miss my a cappella group from high school.
Now... high school leads to this disheartening situation. Nebraska is in a deficit, what state isn't? Well, they're having to make budget cuts... and that means that the Public School system in Grand Island is kind of getting screwed over. And it's all the programming that was so important to me in high school. They're cutting the High Ability Learners program... which kept me sane through scholarship season as a senior. Also, they're cutting German, probably because it's not a "valid" language... I say they should cut French then too, come on! Grand Island was founded by German immigrants, doesn't that give it a bit of a leg up? I guess not. There is also a high possibility that they will be "riffing" fifth grade band and orchestra. Which may not sound all that bad (but really it is, honestly), but that means that those teachers that are tenured will be guaranteed positions within the system... so there is a very likely chance that the current music teacher at my high school will be replaced by a fifth grade band teacher. Yes, let's say it all together now: "What?" That's not the most disappointing thing for me, surprisingly. Why, you ask? Let me tell you.
I am convinced that the current teacher is great. I know he is. He student taught there when I was a junior. He also student taught for quite possibly one of the best teachers to ever come through the department. Mr. LaBrie. Now, he doesn't teach there anymore, he teaches at a private university now, where he should have been all along, honestly. That's right, my high school music teacher was on par with a college professor. My high school has bad luck with music teachers. The kids in the grade after mine had a new teacher every year. Yeah. It sucks. And I know one of the prime arguments right now is that the kids just need some stability. I agree. What really irks me is that some of the kids are saying they won't do music anymore if they get a new teacher. That's bull crap.
Music is bigger than the teachers you have in high school. The kids in the class after mine went on after LaBrie resigned. Now that's hard. Yes, this current teacher is good, and the situation is bad, but if the kids of 2010 could do it, so can the kids of 2012 on down. Quiting the program is not the answer here. Quiting has never been the answer in music. Yes, this all sucks, but it can be overcome, regardless of the results of the voting in the coming weeks.
Every year since I was a sophomore I sang "The Awakening" with Chamber Singers. It was always during the last concert, a kind of sending off for the seniors. I don't know if they're continuing that tradition or not, now that LaBrie is gone. But the epiphany of the song is, "Awake, awake my soul and sing! The time for praise has come! The silence of the night has passed, a new day has begun! Let music never die in me. Forever let my spirit sing. Wherever emptiness is found, let there be joy in glorious song. Let music live!" It's beautiful, and will forever echo in my soul.
"I dreamed a dream, a silent dream, where no birds sang, no steeples rang, and teardrops fell like rain. I dreamed a dream..." [The Awakening]
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